I posted a while ago about what at the time was some great news. I had settled into a life path that I was content with. I had decided that despite what others thought, I would do what I wanted. I had decided to marry a boy. The decision has since been revoked. It had seemed like the perfect solution to all the little things that didn't add up in the relationship. It would be something that would bind us and make us stronger. I pondered this alot after I accepted. I always vowed to myself that after watching my parents divorce and seeing the negative affect it had on me and my brother, as well as what it did to them as people, nevermind a couple, that I would only ever marry once. I now know that 2 people are in a marriage and they may never be possible for me. This need that I have to do this once lead me to think that a ring should not be what binds a marriage and I was a fool to think that it would. I know better than that. It was all this pondering and looking over what we actually had and if I thought it would actually last that I came to the desicion that I had to stop it now, before I repeat history. This notion also scares the hell out of me. I am pretty sure that therapy as a child would have benifited every guy I have dated since the divorce. I would like to assume that it was mutual, but i definatly insigated the entire saga, and assume that his agreeing to what little choices I give him creates something mutual. I found it hard to tell my family - - not because they liked him, but because I always seem to disappoint. I went with the rat way out and sent an e-mail. My mom being the accepting person she is, and never embarrassed by my desions in life, has lied to people about the whole ordeal. Even though this really has no bearing on her she has decided to tell people that the event is still on, I just cancelled the location. I hope she won't be too disappointed when her invitation never comes in the mail. It is hard to be grown up and to make tough life desions when the ones who should support you the most are off smoking crack. I guess everything starts and ends for a reason - -
there isn't a spelling and grammar care in my world today - read at your own risk
17 comments:
Big step. I have to say that what you did took a lot of courage. I think that it is great that you were strong enough to know that this relationship was not right for you. Like you say, it is better to find out now than later on in life right? I hope that you are doing well.
Scott
I'd rather see you happy then constantly questioning decisions you make.
I am glad that you were able to make the decision now instead of realizing it after it is too late.
I couldn't be prouder of you for being this strong and following your head instead of ignoring it.
I will always have your back because you rock, and I love rockin out with you.
-AS-
I can't begin to imagine how hard it was to make that decision, and to have one of the hard parts to be telling your family
I am proud of how strong you are for following your head and not ignoring what's best for you, it's better that you realized now rather than later.
I'm no Judy, but I will always be behind you in life to catch you when youstumble because you rock, and I love rockin out with you.
Sandee, keep in mind that parents take this stuff pretty damn hard as well, and this is just her way of dealing with it - denial. Give her a little bit more time and I'm sure she'll downgrade from crack to codeine.
I'm very glad that you posted about this. I think writing about huge things like this can help things.
I'm glad that you had the guts to make such a tough decision... I think there are a lot of people who go into marriages with lots of doubts thinking that they'll magically disappear after the day.
Hopefully your mom cruises through the denial stage into acceptance...
ps Don't worry about spelling and grammar... ;)
Dude.. that was huge... I'm gald that your had the courage to take care of the situation long before it was to late. I aggre with you on the one marrage thing and I believe that a lot of people now a days rush in to it as a way to fix something they feel is broken instead of doing it becasue it is really what they want to do. Same with haveing kids, it's like society tells us it's what we should do so everyone does it even thought they have no desire to actually rasie childre.
Don't worry about your mom, she'll come around, it is a crazy way to handle it, but let's face it, your mom is a little crazy... and that's why we love her!!!
Stay strong, feel free to write or call if you ever need to vent!!
p.s. i think it was very gracious of christelli to forgive the grammar and spelling... haha
HUGS! What you did took a lot of guts, because even some people see what you saw, they still go on with it. You're stronng and will end up happy because you are in control of your life. Never forget that :) ANd yeah, my dad is a the non-supportive "crack smoker" in my life, so I get where you're coming from :)
PS - If you ever need to talk...drop me an email :)
you're one of my best friends. dont ever fear comming to me with anything. even bad news. you're happiness brings my life joy
pete
It sounds like you thought about it for awhile and came up with the right decision. Those kinds of decisions are never easy, I know for experience, and it is easy to second-guess yourself later, but you just have to remember how you felt about your decision, and just keep that in mind. :)
Well girl, only you can know what feels right or wrong, remember that when other people give you their opinions.
You are strong! You will get through this. And when you are back down here, come by here and we will have a few drinks and down load.
PS, That *friend* who also works at your placement.... She may have some words of wisdom on this one for you.
Wow your Mom is really special! Don't worry she'll come around to acceptance sooner or later. I've learned the hard way that you can't change your parents no matter how hard you try!
It was a tough decision to make but one that you had to make. It'll get easier for everyone, as time goes on. I really hope you are doing ok. As soon as you feel like it call me. Anytime is a good time. Take care. Love you Lots Val
hey what can I say, it seems everyone else has said it!
Hope ya know that rob and I are here for you whatever situation that arises. Also you your always welcome here if you want company but not the crazziness of the rest of family and we can keep a secret just remember a good code name like Gurtrude cuz when in the time of need we don't know any Sandee's!
Love ya Char
you made the right choice take it from someone who said yes to a marrage preposal when drunk one night in front of parents and when sobered up intened to break it off however psycotic mother had told entire family so left it for a few days. in which time said mother had booked church + hall and I was off to have a wedding dress fitted. Anyway now one divorce later am now with a wonderful man whom Ive sworn never to marry as Im with him because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him and this and our 2 children are more important than a legal document and a ring on my finger. I guess im trying to say you deserve so much respect for having much more courage than me and your mum will come round eventually
Hey Sandee I know this is coming a little late after your posting but I just read it today. I think that was a very courageous thing for you to do. I have been there and know what it feels like.Believe it or not, we are a lot alike. We know that we deserve the best in life and we just won't settle for anything less. Too many people settle in relationships. They just figure that the next step is marriage. I come from a divorce family too and we are the ones that know the difference! Try to hang in there and wait for "the one" to sweep you off your feet. Just remember ,you did the right thing and good friends are always behind the decisions that you make in life. Take care!
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