maybe it has resonated long enough

the same thought has continued to echo in my head for weeks on end now. i still have a cheated feeling for my 30th. i feel like it passed by with out acknowledgment on almost all levels. this is not to say it was ignored in total, i was wished happy birthday and it was brought to light in a way, but i had it hyped in my head and feel like imagination failed to meet up with reality. i am not a cake eater in the literal sense but i wish i had blown out a candle to make a wish, i wish i had opened a present that was wrapped up with a bow, i wish i had gone out to great night to celebrate.

is it possible to recreate a missed moment? i thought maybe it was and I gave an open mind for the opportunity to present itself and yet it never did. i know i have a night planned with a few friends coming up, but i still feel like another glass of wine and a late birthday wish will just reinforce the missed moment more than celebrating it.

i also wonder what role i should have olayed in making it what i wanted. i felt that because it was a birthday i didn't have to make the plans or be active, but staying passive left a pit.
i fear the next big day is 40 and it basically makes me vomit. it is a gross thought that i will not get another chance to have a big moment until a number that disgusts me.

three d

i am excited to say the least about the current selection of 3d movies right now. i want to see both 'where the wild things are' and 'a christmas carol'. both movies would appeal outside the 3rd dimension for various reasons of my own, but that 3rd dimension really draws me in. my suck factor is the long distance between my home and the real world with said 3d theaters. my local imax is dedicated to educational bla films. booo. my secret goal (shhhhh) is to work it in while south in november. I like cuddly monsters and jim carey.


side note: got my hair coloured today. i don't usually go so often as the cost for long hair is redic, but hell, a girl only gets old once a year right. nice to be pretty again. also, i love love love having my hair washed by others. it is on my list of priorities shall i ever become rich and or famous.

thirty happened

As always, I read old blogs posted near old birthdays to see what i was thinking then and how I grew or stayed the same. I grabbed one from a few years back and had to laugh at how the rut of life is deep sometimes.

This was from turning 28 and includes 27 tidbits.

To quote myself if I may "A lot is to be accomplished during the year of 27. As usual I have an unrealistic to do list that will never be finished. I will finish school - finally, get a job, become a participating adult in society and move again to accommodate such job. These are the biggies for 27. The small list goes on for days. I am going to try to take this year more slowly and to not stress the small stuff. I am a stressor - so that will be a huge accomplishment for 27." ~ S. Ryan (27 and 1 week)

So >>>>> what was done, and what can be checked off...hmmmmm. I guess I did accomplish a lot. I am another degree poorer. I did finish school, but then I started again. I tend to do that. I have yet to become much of a participating adult and I have yet to move. I happy about all of it at the moment. I still stress over the small stuff, but I did work towards solutions. I had the Summer of Sandee, I am procrastinating less (still a lot), I started Yoga and I am running. Healthy lifestyle choices.

I am optimistic that 28 will bring a close to school or close to it depending on thesis dates. I will be done my part - lets go with that. I can only assume a job has to be in one of these birthdays futures, so I will again swing for that. I see 28 being as year of continued healthy choices, mentally and physically.

Well I am now on 30, still in school, still unemployed and still trying to find a way to include healthy life style choices. I let go of running and yoga and miss them both. I did start a pottery class and that has been a saver some days.
I am not making plans for this year. I am not setting goals to be anywhere or done anything. I am just going to ride this year out.


I was introduced to the idea of Saturn Return.
Many of us approach our thirtieth birthdays with anxiety, even dread. We start looking for gray hairs and paying attention to ads for wrinkle creams. We question whether we are climbing the career ladder quickly enough. We hear the biological clock ticking loudly and worry that soon we will be too old to bear children.

Astrologers call the period between ages twenty-eight and thirty "Saturn Return." That's because it's the first time the planet Saturn completes its cycle through your birth chart and returns to the spot it occupied when you were born. Internationally respected astrologer Rob Hand calls Saturn Return "one of the most important times in your life. . . a time of endings and new beginnings."

For most of us, ending a phase of life that is familiar and embarking on one that is new and untried is unsettling, even painful. Few people describe Saturn Return as a pleasant period. While undergoing your Saturn Return you may find yourself turning inward and reflecting on your individual destiny. You examine your true needs and desires and the role you want to play on the world's stage. You may feel lonely and alienated from those around you, while family and friends think you are shutting them out. But this is a necessary period of consolidation, when you must retreat from the distractions of the outer world and focus on yourself at your most fundamental level. The Saturn Return is every individuals search for the Holy Grail.

http://www.newage-directory.com/saturn.html

I like the idea that there are reasons behind my feelings, it is comforting

do do do look'n out my back door.....

I am not sure if my progress is slow, or the time to capture the progress and upload that seems to be the limitation in bloggery updates, but here is the newest addition to backyardigans.

My greatest intentions are to show a start and then a finish of the same or similar area. I am sure there are before and afters of said same areas, but I think that requires more thought than I am willing to give.









**** more to come in new post

Phase 2

The front garden has hit phase 2 and what will be the final phase at the front.....for now.

Phase 1 was put in last summer and took a plain 2ft straight edged, overgrown, blah garden to something with more shape.








This is phase1 spring start up. things look small, and have since filled the entire garden.


cutting out part of the driveway to expand the garden around to the front entrance.

Then digging out all the old gravel and driveway from the weeping tiles.








Back Garden Progress.


This pic is the very first section of path mapped out and soil being dumped.
This is the lawn that was between the back of the house and the pool deck. This path will join the back door deck and pool deck.

This is my fairy garden. It is just off the left of the rain barrel. More pics of this in a new blog strictly for the back garden

path idea

a list of 25 off the FB beaten path

facebook has been raging the 25 lists, which appear to just be 25 random things.  

blog world has had these now and then, but i am out of the loop on blog lists.

1.  my immune system suffers wildly when i am busy in life.

2.  when my immune is down, i have many allergic reactions to most foods.

3.  my weight has essentially stayed the same with little work on my part

4.  i realize this does not make me fit

5.  i want to have a friend network in my area, and not just online

6.  i wish i knew how to actively pursue this.

7.  running was my biggest accomplishment in a long time.

8.  with a running partner, i would start again in a second

9.  the spring is a disgusting time to me...the world is dirty and wet

10. i adore the fashion sense of other people, wish i knew how to put the same things together 

11. i still wonder what i will do in life for my career.  sometimes i think social work would have been a more accurate choice

12. i hope to sit on a board that fights for people with disabilities.

13. i become enraged when people without rights park in disabled spots.  I have really debated carrying flyers to stick on their window that calls them assholes

14. i wish i spoke up more often when i see injustices.  i often worry it will affect me negatively to rock the boat.

15. i am overly generous with my time, ideas, and teaching tools, not because i think it will help my career, but because my stuff is awesome and should be used.

16. i am comfy casual at home, often mistaken for slob

17. i spill a lot, on everything

18. i am aggressive in sports

19. i have very little patience

20. i put a lot of effort into being understanding and looking at things from the 'walking in their shoes' perspective

21. i am hoping i get that in return

22. I should have never cut my hair so short, but as hair tends to do, it will grow

23. i want to do more with my hands..learn to scrapbook well, pottery, sculpture from rock and wood, build, design

24. i really enjoy working in my gardens, I hope they blow the neighbours away this summer

25. lipstick is silly to me