I was chatting with Christielli and I was telling her how much I enjoyed when I lived up north, as it was a fresh start for me. No one up there knew anything about me, so they didn't start a friendship with anything on the table that I didn't give to them. I guess like this blog for most people.
I was then thinking about friends I have had for years - some since grade 2 and 3, and they are still friends. I wonder if they know me at all. I put on a fake front for the most part, and probably of all friendships to avoid being hurt in any manner, and I think I have managed for almost all my life to fool people into believing I am a certian type of person that I am definatly not.
I met my b/f up north, and he knows the real me. At least I think he does - I am still finding out who I am. When you are someone else for so long, you also fool your self. I have held nothing back from him, and I have never had any relationship benefit the way this one has. I am myself 100% of the time with him, and it is so good.
I think if I had friends describe me, they would say I am outgoing, and bold. I try new things, and I am not scared. I am not shy around guys, and I make friends easy. I am all about having a good time, and live for the moment. This person they would describe would be amazing, and I am sure thats who they know, but it isn't me.
The relaity of me is that I am scared to death to try new thing. I worry about what others think of me, before what I think of myself. I am very shy around guys I like. I have a hard time making friends, and ususally try not to cause it is easier. I kinda hate going out, and would rather have a plan for life. I want a fairytale future.
I know we all hide certian things about ourselves, but I think for a long time I hid alot.
I (stole form Christielli)
I AM feeling confused about my future, and it worries me sick.
I WANT to make a meaningful change in this world, an impression that affects others in a good way.
I WISH I was prettier.
I HATE how insecure I am about everything I do.
I MISS my grandmas - I still have alot of unanswered questions .
I FEAR being alone - I am scared of the dark still.
I HEAR people on the street.
I WONDER if I will be disapointed in the future if it doesn't meet the image in my head.
I REGRET growing up so fast .
I AM NOT good loser.
I DANCE when I get ready to go out.
I SING in the car, all the time.
I CRY to often, I am a sucker for anything emotional - good or bad!!.
I AM NOT ALWAYS tired, but I could nap anyways.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS alot of food, I am an amazing cook.
I WRITE blogs - it helps me think.
I CONFUSE other drivers when I can't find my glasses.
I NEED to relax more, and not take life so serious.
I SHOULD be thankful what is good in my life, not dwell on what is missing.
I START alot of projects.
I FINISH them eventually
I am not sure if I wrote this cause I needed comments for some direction, or If I wrote this cause getting it out sometimes helps.
5 comments:
It's probably a bit of both. Sometimes we just need to see things in writing....but other times we just need to hear those words of encouragement.
I understand wht you're going through to to some extent. With the people I've known for a while, I feel as if they still see me as the person I was when I was younger, not the one I am now. However, maybe it's more that I see myself as the person I was when I am with them. LOL, I just confused myself there. :P
Think of it this way......maybe everyone sees the person that you really are....but you are only starting to see that now ;)
Hope you figure everything out!
That is a great post. I think that feeling that you got when you started "fresh" up North is how I feel when I travel. The people that you meet have no idea who you are and what things have happened in your life. It is a beautiful thing.
Scott
Amen to the using your blog to get stuff out like that. That's what they're good for.
People's perception of you can always be a weird thing. Can anyone ever really know the true you? Can you ever really truly know another person. For that matter can you ever truly know yourself?
Great post. I loved reading it because it's so great to get more insight into people that you've known for a long time.
good stuff...it's the vulnerability that we present to others that they can either see as something good or something to take advantage of...those who see it as being good, are your true friends.
I am known for my marathon naps.
So this was an Awesome Post. I agree, the longer you've know a person, the better you think you should know them but it's just not always the case. I can see some differences between you in Highschool and now to indicate that you are more self assured. But I believe we are all that way. I used to be very much about doing what I thought other people thought I should do but i'm getting much better about that now.
Sometimes I try to think of how other people see me and it just boggles my mind because it's like they are missing a big part of me. And even though they only know me a little, they should know the whole me... it's very strange. I guess it's something you learn as you go!
p.s. good luck with finding ways to cheat out work!!
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