tonight is the last supper.....well a slightly different version, but a last supper still the same. no one will be nailed up after dinner. the friends i have spent the last year with are packing up and moving soon...within days. the ritual of another school year officially ending is when the lease is up and the friends go home. i seem to stay and they keep moving on. 3rd degree, 3rd batch of friends to say good bye to. and you keep in touch, but it is never the same. you lose the details about life that were important only the week before, and you become more distracted by your new life. they are excited - they are moving back home or to familiar places with old friends, who will become the new details of their weeks, and yet i feel like i become more empty. a little left alone perhaps. i am slow to make new friends, and at best i acquire a small sampling. these friends have always been location and school related, so as those things inevitably end, as do part of the friendship. you talk now and then, keep in touch via social networking, but the hanging out ends, the dinners, the movies, the long conversations about plans later that day no longer exist. i am at a weird spot to acquire more. i am done school. i no longer have that location to find more. i have no job for September, so for now i will go friendless into the fall. not to say i have none, i just don't have those to call upon to hang out so readily. this year will be different.
as transitions go, this one will be smoother than some....they are back and forth for a few weeks, for reasons beyond worth mentioning and i busy with my own outside life until the fall....so by the time the fall hits, i will be there and have not noticed them fade away. mid September will be when i finally notice i am all alone. after everyone has been sent back to where they belong, i will be here - again - still. i am hopeful a job will present itself..... if not because i need one to live, but because i need a new location to start over.
2 comments:
Great post dear!
I also take awhile to make friends too. It took me a couple years at my current job to make the really good circle of friends that I have now. I have the same rapport with my work friends that I feel with the group of 9, and it gives me warm fuzzy feelings.
If you are feeling alone, you can always visit me... and I'm hoping that maybe I can to a fall road trip to North Bay because I don't think I'll make it in August. It's crazy to think that 8 weeks of vacay isn't enough to accomplish everything I want in a summer.
Did I mention that I *love* that you are back to blogging?
oh Sandee, I read your blog and now have a tear in my eye. Alone is a strong word, but I know how you feel. I lived for two years in Bolton and really didn't make a serious friend there outside of a few from Ethans work. I lived for every few weekends when we would make the two hour trip home. Unfortunantly, you don't have that ability. I wish that I lived closer so that I could hang out with you more often...
Maybe in the fall, when things settle down you will meet some new people and feel unalone again.
Joanna
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